The Yamas & Niyamas

Sculpted or Free?

2012-01-17T13:09:00.000-08:00

A recent New York Times article discussing the harm yoga can cause, has created quite a stir. It has also created an opportunity for us yoga practitioners to re-look at our yoga practice, an opportunity that I am grateful for.

I find it so easy to seek change while unconsciously holding the very patterns I am seeking to change. It is so easy to “sculpt” myself into the person and the pose I am desiring. It is this sculpting that tempts injury and harm.

The purpose of yoga is to free our bodies and our minds. The only way this can happen is through our own surrender. To the degree that we surrender to the pose, is the degree to which the pose can begin to show us where our unsupportive habits lie. To the degree that we are willing to be the recipient of the pose rather than the designer, is the degree to which the real change we are seeking can happen. This is true on and off the mat.

It takes real courage, I think, to surrender to a pose rather than sculpt ourselves into it. But the results are very different; one leads to continuity and harm, the other to real freedom.

What is Practice for?

2012-01-10T07:45:00.000-08:00

If you are anything like me, you keep waiting for your practice to magically make you a better person. But in truth, is this the purpose of practice? And what is a “better person” anyway? At best it is an individual idea of perfection…..which ultimately is sought after only by the ego.

What is practice for, anyway? Perhaps, not to make us better, but to SEE ourselves better. To see clearly what is, what sits in the depths of us. It is the seeing itself which creates the real movement towards a different possibility. It is the seeing itself which allows a deeper compassion, a deeper acceptance, and a deeper humility to emerge. It is the seeing itself which allows us to hold paradox with grace and wonder.

We practice in order to see ourselves, not to change ourselves. “Seeing” is the fruit of our practice. “Seeing” is enough; indeed it is a miracle.

Resolutions

2012-01-03T08:23:00.000-08:00

I am doing something radical for myself this year – no resolutions. For someone who loves accomplishments and goals, who expects and demands a lot from themselves, entering this New Year without a resolution is both disorienting and provocative.

You see, I have been getting more and more curious about who I really am. And I am finding that it is impossible to know the answer to that question when I impose strict routines and disciplines on myself. Those New Year Resolutions that I make every year only enforce who I think I should be.

What will remain when all that I tend to impose on myself is gone? Am I really a lazy slug at heart? Will I waste the whole year? Am I much different in reality than in expectation? Will I find nuggets of gold that have been hidden under rules? Will I find that I am kinder than I know myself to be?

Without images and impositions, what is left? I hope to find out, or at least see some glimpses, this year.

Giving Thanks

2011-11-23T09:29:00.000-08:00

Here it is again, the holiday whose job it is to remind us to be thankful. And perhaps we need the yearly reminder, just in case we have forgotten. Holiday music is playing, turkeys and the trimmings are being purchased, family plans are being made, and underneath it all is the hope that somehow we can remember to give thanks.

As much as we may look forward to the break in our normal routine, the food that is likely to overfill our bellies, and the communion with people we love, there is the reminder to pause and give thanks. Give thanks for what is and for what isn’t. Give thanks for what we have and for what we don’t have.

Practice giving thanks until you become a thankful person. Practice giving thanks until you are expansive and generous in your being, until everything becomes an opportunity to say, “thank you.”

May Thanksgiving remind each of us to practice cultivating the act of giving thanks.

Infinite Potential

2011-10-26T12:58:00.000-07:00

The philosopher Thomas Hanna spent his life pursuing an answer to the question, "What does it mean to be a fully realized human being; what does it mean to be free?" In his quest, he studied philosophy, sociology, history, and finally neurology. Hanna called human freedom "somatics" and is responsible for putting that word into the culture.

Many of us are seeking freedom and enlightenment, but I wonder if we have asked ourselves what we mean by freedom. For instance, sometimes I say I want to be free, but what I really want is for my life to feel easier. Sometimes I want to escape from life, rather than pursue what it might mean to explore the depths of myself.

We, as human beings, are wired for infinite potential. Perhaps it might serve us to contemplate what this means for our lives and to get deeply curious about what it means to be a realized human being.

I find it an exciting possibility.

Practice

2011-10-11T14:51:00.000-07:00

These are times when much is being asked of us. How do we pick ourselves out of the exhaustion and the dullness that often finds root in us and choose to meet the challenges of our days?

How can we be a people who brings kindness to an unkind world, who seeks to need less in a world of overdone greed, to move with ease and contentment in a world driven with discontent, to trust and practice generosity in a world suffocating from anxiety and fear, and finally to live with passion in a world that has retreated into denial and despair?

We get there by practice. If there is anything that yoga has taught me, it is the gift of practice. Change is not instantaneous; it comes through the diligence of daily attention. It comes through effort. It comes through the willingness to sacrifice something easy in the moment for something more beneficial in the long run.

Practice means we choose to tap into resources that will grow our character and fortitude and that will open our hearts into an ever deepening softness. Practice means that we tap into the real and sustaining places of nourishment, not the easy fix. And the irony of this is that the discipline practiced in the moment is also what will ultimately nourish and sustain us.

In the words of Pattabhi Jois: Practice, and all is coming.

Insights from the Yoga Sutras

2011-09-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras is considered the classical text on yoga. In this sacred text, Patanjali defines yoga as the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind field. In simple terms, we might say that yoga is training the mind to stay in one place instead of bouncing all over. The results of this training, Patanjali tells us is a resting in our essential nature instead of in the bouncing.

The key is a “reprogramming” of the mind. This is accomplished, Patanjali further tells us, by two things, practice and non-attachment. In other words, we practice something new, something more steady. And we simply begin to let go of our involvement with all the bouncing and scatteredness.

Our tendency is to fight with, try to change, or berate ourselves for our thoughts and their content. But this only strengthens the discord and scatteredness within us. Spend your time, Patanjali says, focusing on the “new” program, a mind that stays centered and calm on a higher purpose, such as loving kindness towards all things. This is the practice. And Patanjali assures us that it will bring us the freedom we seek.

Blooming

2011-08-26T06:16:00.000-07:00

My spouse and I have a row of day lilies that bloom every summer. One of our favorite past times is sitting on the porch, hot morning drink in hand, and watching in awe as petals open to the sun.

This year we planned a vacation, not realizing that it would coincide with blooming time. Hoping beyond hope that our wishes would rush the process, the day lilies were more patient. The first blooms opened in glory as we were driving away.

Those flower, I thought, will bloom whether anyone is watching or not. They don’t need an audience. By contrast, it seems, humans do. We strategically show our magnificence when there is something to be personally gained. Our tendency is to need a payoff, even if it is to have our generosity and selflessness duly noted.

The real question these day lilies ask, I think, is who are we when no one is watching? Can we bloom without the need to be noticed?

Timing

2011-08-12T07:24:00.000-07:00

For those of you who were at the informational meeting on the upcoming trip to India, our guest was ½ hour late. It was a strange occurrence, as she gave herself 4 hours to arrive from the cities (getting stuck in downpours of rain and construction) and reported to me later that she is never late.

What amazed me when she arrived was her full trust that something beyond human knowing had constructed her lateness and all was perfect. Her belief in this truth, allowed her to walk into Yoga North with grace and centeredness and share with us as if everything was in its perfect ordering.

Later when I walked the beach with her, I was taken with her full conviction in the timing of things. That there is a power that has a plan and all is very well. I breathed a deep sigh of sweetness and surrender from her deep conviction. I have since watched my days unfold with things seeming to be off kilter, only to stop and smile and remember that perhaps there is a more perfect timing than mine and a deeper reason for everything.

Crossing the Aisle

2011-08-05T06:16:00.000-07:00

My spouse married a young couple this weekend. In his sermon, he used the metaphor of “crossing the aisle”. Seems this couple had sat on opposite sides of the church until one day, the young man decided to switch sides and move towards the young woman. This crossing led to the eventual commitment of these two people to share their lives together in a profound and intimate way.

The image of “crossing the aisle” has stayed with me as I notice how often I tend to sit in the same chair, on the same side of my life. But to grow, we need to move. We need to cross the aisle into new perspectives, into the unfamiliar, into what seems scary, into what seems too unworthy or too magnificent.

We are beings created with infinite possibilities to explore and expand ourselves. And each effort at expansion begins with a simple crossing of the aisle, in whatever circumstance we find ourselves.

Guru Purnima

2011-07-15T06:11:00.000-07:00

Friday, July 15, is the holy day of Guru Purnima, the day of honoring the Guru. This holiday lands on the 1st full moon in July. Traditionally, in the Guru/Student relationship, the student gathers a bundle of sticks and offers them to the teacher. The sticks represent all the internal obstacles that keep this student lost in the cycle of unhelpful habits and selfishness. In presenting the bundle of sticks to the Guru, the student is acknowledging their own helplessness in clarity and will-power and asking the full-fledged support of the Guru in overcoming these obstacles. If the Guru accepts, the Guru proceeds to burn the sticks, and the process of purifying the student proceeds in full earnestness.

The larger meaning of the word Guru is that which sheds light on our darkness (darkness being our ignorance, confusion, and slothfulness). In all the ways that we are uplifted, have a moment of clarity, care about something more than ourselves – all of this is the work of the guru. These moments can come to us through another person, through a quote in a book, a hike in nature, an inner moment of illumination. However the shedding of light comes to us, the result is always the same. Something expands within us.

Swami Rama says this about Guru Purnima: “This day is considered to be very holy. For on this day students become aware that life is not to be lived only in the external world—that there is something higher, deeper, than what they have been doing……So today is a day when I, when everyone, remembers his teacher, his teachings, and becomes aware of the Reality within.”

India Anyone?

2011-07-13T08:37:00.000-07:00

India is a land steeped in spirituality. In the winter of 2013, the confluence of 3 holy rivers will house India’s most celebrated festival, the Kumbha Mela. It is believed that at this time the planets converge to bless this one spot on earth with limitless potential for miracles. The holy ones of India prepare for years to ready themselves for this event.

There will be housing, meditation, and good food available at the Himalayan Institute campus in Allahabad, India during this time. If you have any desire to experience India in its most spiritually electric form, this is the event of a lifetime. The air will be full of united pleas for the healing and well-being of this planet and its inhabitants.

Pigs Eat Wovles

2011-07-13T08:30:00.000-07:00

Yoga North recently offered a “Pigs Eat Wolves” intensive. Our group of 11 used the story of the 3 Little Pigs to talk about the journey of our lives. Mother Pig represented the story we are told by our media, teachers, family of origin, etc. The Wolf represented all the things and people we are told are bad, unimportant, or wrong. The 3 little pigs who built their house of straw, sticks, and bricks were a look at how each of us maneuvers our way through the stories that have been told to us.

Our goal in the study was to lead an “examined life”, in other words to discover hidden places in our lives and beliefs where we act habitually instead of consciously. Our time together was a reminder, once again, that yoga is a radical departure from our western thinking that wants to analyze, fix, and change things. Yoga tells us that our only task is to see what is. Or, as Yogiraj Achala puts it, “to learn to see what we see and to learn to see what we don’t see.”

It is the task of our life journey, yoga tells us, to bring everything into conscious awareness.

The Power of the Slowing

2011-02-08T10:40:00.001-08:00

I am back from a month of silence and find myself wanting to write something that is profound and inspirational......but I have nothing to say. When people ask me how my time was, all I can muster up is "wonderful" or "exquisite". It was a month spent in a wordless place and I can't find words to talk about it.

I thought about writing something like, "If you really want to know about my time, ask me with your soul, and my soul will tell you all about it while we sit together in silence." But that sounded really corny.

The closest I can come is to borrow Gerald May's observations in his book The Wisdom of the Wilderness, where he speaks about the Power of the Slowing that he experienced in his solo treks into the woods. That is the truth of my time. I experienced the Power of the Slowing and it was profound.

Rhythm

2011-02-08T10:20:00.001-08:00

I made two daily time commitments for this month of silence. The first was to make the short outdoor hike to the meditation hall for a sunrise fire. The second commitment was to repeat this process at sunset. Morning and evening, sunrise and sunset, fire and meditation; this was the rhythm that contained and created the daily structure of my time in silence.

Out of silence, I now ask, "What frames the rhythm of my day and what possibility does it give rise to?" I could easily begin my day with a cup of coffee and end it with a glass of wine. And although I enjoy both of these drinks, I have to ask what kind of rhythm and mentality does that create for my day?

Here at home I don't have a meditation hall to hike to and build a fire. What will I choose in its place?

Counting with Chocolate

2011-02-08T10:15:00.000-08:00

A "timeless" month was more than I could feel safe in. But I had bounded myself away from calendars, as well as conversation. As fate would have it, I had serrendipitously stashed away four dark chocolate bars in my suitcase. I devised a plan whereby I would eat one bar per week, and each week I would divide the bar into seven pieces. A delicious marking of days.

Now I am home and back to my normal calendar. Although it allows me to communicate with others, the marking of each day feels more mechanical and not nearly as delicious. I wonder why no one has invented a chocolate calendar yet? We could eat each day when it was complete and savor both the day's experiences and its finality.

Email Avalanche

2011-02-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

This has proved a brave experiment for me, a whole month's fast from technology. Occasionally a flirting thought would find me and I would wonder what the "count" was up to by now or if I had surpassed mass storage capacity. Aside from these brief moments, a luxurious space and slowness of pace filled technology's place in my life.

But now I am back. I won't tell you the count, or the sinking reaction I felt in my belly when I first turned on my computer after a month of separation.

Technology is wonderful. It has gifted us with so much. But how do we keep it as a gift to our lives and not the master of our life? Isn't that the question many of us are asking? And can we do that without having to "run away" like I did?

A Month of Silence

2010-12-31T05:18:00.000-08:00

For the month of January I will be in silence at a retreat center in Ohio. I’ve been planning this retreat for a year now and watching the hunger and longing of my soul grow within me. I have also been watching the doubts. This is the second time in my life that I have chosen to take a full month to do silence and I remember that at a certain point, when the novelty and joy of the quiet has worn off, I begin to miss the stimulation of my life. I begin to miss sharing the daily trivialities with people I love. I begin to miss daily rituals that wrap my life like a cozy blanket.

I also know that at some point during the month, I will have to sit with the broken pieces of myself. And during those times, I will wonder why I ever brought myself to a whole month of this and I will long to be back home. And then I will laugh at myself because for a whole year I have desired to be here, and now I want to be anyplace but here. Such will be the state of my efforts at silence.

But to experience life as fully as we can, we have to experience ourselves as fully as we can. Life is not for silence, silence is for life. And so I go for a month of silence, not because silence is the ultimate, but because ordinary life is the ultimate and I hope to be more fully present and open to this ordinary life when I return.

I'm gorgeous inside

2010-12-26T08:34:00.000-08:00

The house across the street is for sale. In the corner of the yard sits a big “for sale” sign. On top of the “for sale” sign sits a smaller sign which simply proclaims, “I’m gorgeous inside.”

In all the ways we try to change ourselves, hide our faults and weaknesses, lie about the little things (mostly to ourselves), what if we simply remembered that we are gorgeous inside. We often get caught in our outer wrappings and forget about the beauty of the divine consciousness that sits in the center of each of us. Truly we are “gorgeous inside.”

I wonder what kind of a year we would have if we entered 2011 simply proclaiming, "I'm gorgeous inside."

Walking into the New Year

2010-12-14T06:07:00.000-08:00

I was reflecting on my usual patterns this time of year. It is such an easy time to justify excess and splurge a little, and any indulging is quickly followed by a mind litany of, “Well, the New Year is just around the corner and then I will get back on track.” What this usually means is that when January 1st rolls around, there is a little more of me, a slightly foggy sugar brain, and a body pleading for some exercise and rest.

Why would I want to go into a brand new year in this condition? What if this year I began from a stronger, more balanced place? How would that affect my year? These are questions I have been asking myself. I remember Yogiraj Achala saying that how we enter an event and how we leave the event have a great impact on the event itself.

This season I’m practicing my entrance skills into 2011. I desire to greet the New Year from a place of strength and balance, not excess and excuses.

When is Excess Excessive?

2010-12-06T13:57:00.000-08:00

A youtube has found its way to my desk that states that Americans will spend 4.5 billion dollars this holiday season. The youtube further states that it would take 10 billion dollars to provide safe drinking water for every man, woman, and child on this planet. I find these statistics worth pausing to contemplate.

What an opportune month this is to live with the yogic guideline of non-excess and to ask ourselves, how much is enough? Whether it is eating, cooking, wrapping, shopping, spending, talking or celebrating, really, how much is enough?

But there is more.

The myth of Santa Claus comes from Saint Nicholas, who would secretly throw bags of money into the homes of poor women and children. The religious holidays that give birth to this time of year are about remembering, re-imagining, hope, and the possibility of something new.

Non-excess this time of year is not only about a personal discipline of enough, it is also about an excessive reach of the heart into this world in compassionate and bold ways.

Thankful for the Dark

2010-11-29T13:50:00.000-08:00

My whole life I have preferred the light. But this holiday season I find myself attracted to the darkness. I don’t even know why. Perhaps it is my experiments with truth that have led me to the darkness of my own shadow. Perhaps it is because in the second half of my life I am no longer willing to avoid one-half of me or one-half of reality. Perhaps it is because things can be seen in the dark that can’t be seen in the light. Perhaps it is the growing sense of completeness I have because I am making friends with things that used to scare me. Perhaps it is because a stroll in the dark always feels a little more adventuresome.

I don’t really know why, but for some reason I am thankful for the dark.

Love or Fear

2010-11-20T08:05:00.000-08:00

When my son practiced as a chiropractor, he had a big bowl of wooden coins that he handed out to his patients. On one side of the coin was written love; on the other fear. The hope was that his patients would carry this coin in their pockets and remember that love or fear was a moment to moment choice.

Fear, my son felt, was the cause of a lot of disease and discomfort in the body. To actually feel the full vitality of health, one had to practice love. But love is a hard practice, one that must be continuously cultivated. In a society as hurried and stimulated as ours, it almost seems unnatural to soften the belly for a deep, full, relaxed breath and to open the heart to uncertainty.

Like food in a freezer, the heart must be taken out of its protection and laid out to slowly thaw. It is a vulnerable and malleable position, but the only one worth cultivating.

Love or fear, perhaps our whole spiritual journey comes down to this moment to moment choice to freeze our hearts in protection or take them out to thaw.

Character

2010-10-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

I have written about Sister Lucy before. She is an Indian Catholic nun who has, over the last 13 years, housed thousands of women and children in India, saving them from a life of violence. By providing a place of safety, these women and children are allowed, for the first time, to flourish and grow in the safety of love and possibilities. This project has been given the name Maher.

I have a friend who has just recently visited Sister Lucy and witnessed the daily activities of this amazing woman, and in the process witnessed the character of this woman who is responsible for the impact of kindness and hope and well-being into a world of suffering and pain. My friend writes, “Watching her in action is humbling. She is so consistent in her compassion, in her goals, in her values.”

And I wonder, if someone followed me around for two weeks, day by day, moment to moment, what would they witness and say about my character?

Dead Porcupines

2010-09-21T06:49:00.000-07:00

There was a story in "The Week" magazine that caught my attention. It was about a man whom a couple of policeman found in the middle of the road giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to a porcupine. It was determined that the porcupine had been dead for two days and that the man was quite intoxicated.

I found the story comical, sad, and thought-provoking. It made me ask, in these challenging times, where am I (and we as a culture) trying to resuscitate dead things? Where are we fighting for “dead” thinking, rather than letting a different thinking breathe new life into us? Where are we hanging on to old ways when something new is so desperately needed?

These times, I think, ask of us to find great imagination and the strength to try something new, and to continuously watch where we too, like the man in the middle of the road, might be putting our energy in something that no longer serves us or the community at large.

Dreams within Dreams

2010-09-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

I just returned from watching the movie Inception, a thriller that left me with the question: what is reality? In the movie, the characters conceived of a way to enter a dream of a dream of a dream. In case they got confused as they journeyed through the layers of the dream, they carried a personal talisman, something that would indicate when they were out of the dream.

The movie was intriguing, and as I walked out of the theatre, I found myself pondering reality itself. I was reminded that the Yogis tell us we ourselves are confused, that what we call reality is itself a dream. The journey, they remind us, is to “wake up” and realize our confusion.

There are many talismans that the Yogis suggest to help us find our way out of this dream we mistake as reality. They come in the form of meditation, prayer, contemplation, repetition of a sacred word or words, and the reading of sacred texts.

Watching this particular movie reminded me of the importance of doing a practice that can support “waking up” to our own illusions, wherever we may find them.

A Bedtime Prayer

2010-09-05T06:38:00.000-07:00

One of my husband’s seminary professors had 3 sons who slept in the same basement bedroom. At night, this professor would read his sons a bedtime story and then they would say their prayers. Two of the sons' prayers went like this, “Thank you God for my mom and dad, thank you for my sisters and brothers, thank you for my dog. Amen”. But the middle son added a personal touch. After thanking God for parents and siblings and, of course, the dog, he would add, “Thank you for me.”

This son had a healthy appreciation for the gift of life, not just life in general, but his own specific individual life. In these times when advertisers present us with a perfect image that is not attainable, it is easy to get lost in comparison and lose perspective on our value and our uniqueness.

Perhaps we can learn from this small child’s prayer and appreciation for himself. I think I will add this prayer to my bedtime routine and see what happens.

Shadows

2010-08-17T06:11:00.000-07:00

A group of us at Yoga North who are part of the Sadhana community have been engaged in a year long study of looking at our shadow through the story of The 3 Little Pigs and the insights of Yogiraj Achala. Shadow refers to the disowned parts of ourselves that we project onto others rather than claim as our own. These disowned parts can be both negative and positive. We seem to carry denial and shame about our negative impulses and denial and disbelief about our possible greatness. The work of claiming the wholeness of ourselves is deep spiritual work.

I am reminded of a movie I saw about a young artist mentoring under a well-known artist. One of the important things this young student learned was that it was attending to the play of shadows that made his teacher’s work so powerful. As I write this, I am looking out over a peaceful lake with a magnificent birch tree proudly standing tall. And what I am seeing is the play of shadows and noticing that it is the shadows that emphasize the white majesty of this tree. It is the shadows that make this tree interesting and give it depth. With shadows, it stands in its own wholeness, black and white, and I can’t seem to take my eyes off of it.

This tree stands as a reminder to acknowledge all the parts of the terrain within and stand more magnificently in our full selves.

Musings from a Cabin

2010-08-10T11:42:00.000-07:00

I write this from a cabin outside of Ely in the early morning fog which has momentarity wrapped me in its arms and blocked the expansive view. The stillness is palpable. I give thanks daily for the generous gift of this place (from a family adventuring in the Boundary Waters), of the silence, the time to rest and reflect, and the opportunity to begin writing a second book. I have watched myself slowly unwind day by day, hour by hour, until I feel more like myself, not the wound up person who came here 5 days ago. Surprisingly, I didn’t know I was carrying excess tension until it slowly began unwinding itself in this place of peace and ease.

It is this “unknown tension” that continues to baffle and surprise me. No matter how relaxed I think I am, I continue to find holding patterns when I do postures, relaxation and restorative poses, when through out the day I momentarily check in with myself; I can even feel the tension in my head when I sit to meditate. Through practice and awareness it has become more subtle, but it is there in all its gripping glory none the less.

I am reminded that this whole process back to our true nature is one of unwinding; that the ego’s hold on us is nothing but one big grip. Sometimes I think maybe we work too hard even at our spirituality and postures; that perhaps the path is one slow unwinding of the tension we call “me” until there is no place left anywhere to grab hold of. Then perhaps we experience what the mystics talk about, a slow melting into the ocean of bliss.

Shradda

2010-08-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about shradda, a Sanskrit word for faith that implies more than just belief. It is a stance of the heart; the essence of one’s heart. It is the assurance that “God’s got it”; the unwavering knowing that God is involved and on your side.

This kind of faith is developed and purified by devotion and surrender to something that is greater than we are. Putting ourselves at the feet of something great begins to change our insides.

This stance of shradda is a practice of subtraction and trust, not addition and certainty. And that is why it is such a powerful practice for the ego. The ego wants to add and control; that is how we feel safe and powerful. Shradda asks that we tear down all the walls of safety and certainty until there is no place to go but at the feet of life.

A Community Paddle

2010-07-28T07:17:00.000-07:00

I am freshly returned from a Yoga North voyageur canoe trip around the Apostle Islands. The theme of our trip was “Life is an Adventure”, and adventure it was. Stunningly present was the beauty of this great lake (which I found out can hold every human on this planet on their own 6x6 space), the spirit of these islands long sacred to the Ojibwa culture, and living the historical paddle of the early Voyageurs.

The large canoe moved, we learned, not by individual effort but by the synchronicity of group strokes. We began the journey in our own paddle styles, often hitting each other’s paddles in the process, and certainly taking longer and harder strokes than we needed to (as if we had to do it all ourself). But slowly we learned to work together. We learned to find a steady group rhythm. We learned that when we fell into that group rhythm, the canoe moved easily and the effort was smaller and lighter. We learned to sing and paddle together.

I am reminded of the yogic concept of Dharma; when everyone is doing their part, the whole experiences harmony. It was amazing to have this experience of harmony with paddles, people, and a big canoe.

Contrasts

2010-07-12T14:15:00.000-07:00

Along our driveway, several daylily blossoms have graced my husband and me this year. We find ourselves anxiously awaiting the morning openings as we sip our hot drink on the porch. We never tire of the impact such beauty and abundance has on us; they are extra spectacular this summer.

Interestingly enough, they bloom in front of our neighbor’s yard along the side of their house, which is full of clutter and objects that seem to have been disposed of permanently in this location. Such beauty against the garbage creates a stunning contrast. And alas, to look at the lilies is to also see the clutter.

My husband and I find ourselves making plans to build a fence to hide what is unpleasant to us. If I am honest, I want to do this to the whole world; I only want things to be beautiful and I want to build fences that hide what is distasteful.

The yogis remind us that the world is made of contrasts; day and night, joy and sorrow, young and old, etc. To be whole within us is to allow the contrast around us...and then to sit in equanimity with what is.

Remember

2010-06-01T05:41:00.000-07:00

I found myself excited about this 3 day weekend and the opportunity to grab my husband to attend to some much needed chores around the house. And then I stopped. I was missing the point. More than anything this is a weekend to remember.

It is a weekend to remember those of great courage who sacrificed so much for us. It is a weekend to honor the sacrifices that are the foundation upon which my life is built. It is a time to remember the great things in our nation, our ancestral line, our own lives, because these are the things inspiration and imagination are built upon. It is also a weekend to remember the mistakes, the injustices, because this is what we learn from.

It is in the remembering that we are inspired to find courage and sacrifice within ourselves.

No Food; No Water

2010-05-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

I have been following with interest a story from India. A man of the Jain religion claims to have gone for 70 years without food and water. Recently released from a hospital where he was under video surveillance and military protection, it is reported that after 15 days of hospital observation, he neither ate nor drank nor excreted any urine or feces. No reports have been released from the doctors to date except to mention that this man’s brain has the characteristics of a man much younger.

The man claims to get his nourishment from meditation, the power of his thoughts, and through a goddess who feeds him with internal nectar. He is not the first to claim the ability to receive nourishment from a source beyond human means; all religions and spiritualities have stories such as these.

What this means for us, only each of us can decide; but I think it is worth pondering.

Stuck

2010-05-10T14:56:00.000-07:00

I recently watched a YouTube in which a man and a woman are riding up an escalator. Suddenly, the escalator stops midway up, and the man and woman start yelling for help. Unfortunately there is no one around. They feel even more helpless when they find that they are both without cellphones. All they have to do is to walk up the rest of the way, but they are unable to see past the fact that they are "stuck".

Not long after laughing at this YouTube, I found myself in the same predicament. I helped my granddaughter move to Bismarck for the summer. It was a fast and furious move, exhausting in everyway. That evening we checked into a motel room. There was a swimming pool, water slide, and jacuzzi at the motel. I immediately felt sorry for myself because I hadn't brought a bathing suit. But my granddaughter shared none of my rigid thinking. "Come on, Grandma," she said, "let's go to a thrift store and get some bathing suits!" We proceeded to do just that and had the time of our lives. What had been an exhausting day now became fun and changed the flavor of the whole move.

Like the people in the escalator YouTube, I too was unable to see that I wasn't stuck; only my thinking was stuck. What a great reminder that life is often so much simpler than we might think it is.

12 Years of Testing

2010-04-30T06:36:00.000-07:00

Are you like me? I find myself sometimes visited by impatience. I want results now. I don’t want to get passed over or miss out. Ready or not, I want it now……and then I remember India.

Traditionally in India, there is a long process of testing that happens between a student and a teacher before the student even gets the teachings, let alone the results. The student is tested for their earnestness, their readiness, and their trust. Sometimes this testing can last 12 years. And often during that time, medial tasks of service are asked for, not the glamorous teachings that the student is hoping for.

How bad does the student want to learn? How long can he or she hang in there with unfailing patience, endurance, and service……just waiting and trusting that at some point the wisdom of the mystery will be shared with them?

I think of this testing period often when I am feeling impatient or afraid I might miss out on something pertinent to my well-being. And I ask myself, what if I am being tested by great beings in this very moment? Am I passing or failing? Am I trustworthy in the little things? Can I just do my best because it is the next thing to do?

Dhotis & Trousers

2010-04-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

For men, the traditional pant worn in India is a dhoti. A dhoti is one long piece of cloth wrapped around the body from the waist down to the ankles. Although this style provides some freedom of movement, there are certain restrictions placed on the body. One obvious restriction is speed. This garment does not allow a man to walk quickly. That fact alone changes the whole day and demeanor of the man. Because he has to walk slowly, he is able to be more relaxed, more aware, more available to the moment, and more available to life in general. The same can be said of women and their traditional saris.

When I was in India, I heard it said that one of the biggest mistakes was the introduction of trousers to the culture because it allowed men to walk fast. It became easier for the preciousness of the moment to get lost. And with the loss of a slower pace, the ability to be too busy was now possible. Ambition and drive could take over.

I have to admit I had never thought of clothes being a part of taking life at a slower, more aware pace. But I am getting curious what it would feel like to go around more contained by my clothing and how that might be a constant reminder to be centered deep within myself.

Padding

2010-04-05T07:15:00.000-07:00

I came home from India and sunk into the softness of my favorite chair and got lusciously lost in the padding of the mattress on my bed. It was so comforting, and yet such a contrast to my experience in India where I spent a month without padding between myself and hard surfaces.

What surprises me, though, is how alive I felt in India. There was something about dealing with life “closer to the surface” that was exhilarating.

The experience has led me to look at my life with different eyes. Padding can be used to bring comfort, but it can also be used to avoid the hard times in life, such as padding myself with food or a movie to avoid emotional discomfort. In one, padding is a sweet gift that brings a pulsing joy to my body, in the other instance, it has a dulling effect.

I’m not saying that I particularly love discomfort, but it is so terribly easy to use “padding” to avoid just about anything now that I am back home. Deep inside, I know that I am missing the thrill of living life so much closer to the “surface” because that is the only choice.

Slowly, Slowly

2010-03-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

Since my return from India, I am watching myself get slowly captured by the pace and the demands of life here. I am watching my walk get faster and the words coming out of my mouth increase in speed. And I am watching my body and my soul rebel against this increased speed at the myriad of things that present themselves as urgent.

What in our lives requires this pace? So freshly back from India, this is the question that occupies my contemplation as I watch myself feel caught in a tidal wave of speed.

I don’t want to idealize India. Along with being a land of great beauty and overt spirituality, it is a land of extreme suffering and hard manual labor. Work begins for many before the sun rises and ends many hours after the sun has set. And this is a day after day reality. Perhaps because there is no other choice than continuous long hours of daily labor, they have learned to face the insurmountable work at a different pace than we do. Everywhere I looked, people moved slowly and steadily. They weren’t rushing to get it all done. It seemed like they knew how to find a sort of contented pace in the long hours of daily labor.

We seem, back home, to complain about our workload. It seems we try to get things done as quickly as possible just to be done and that this faster pace misses the point entirely. Perhaps we can learn something from the pace of workers in India. Perhaps the contented lives we are seeking could be well-served by a more contented pace.

What to do with Challenges?

2010-03-16T07:09:00.000-07:00

Another impact of my trip to India was being inspired by the renunciates, those who have chosen to give up everything in service of finding the Divine within themselves. Following their commitment, they often head to the forests or the mountains to do 12 years of practice.

As much as I try, I can't begin to understand the reality of living with no protection. These renunciates are faced day by day, moment by moment, with rain, snow, insects, wild animals, robbers, hunger from lack of food, and their own thoughts.

Most of these initiations into renunciation happen at the festival of the Kumba Mela (see previous blog). After 12 years of practice, these renunciates return to the next Kumba Mela to gather in tents and spend 3 months sharing with each other what they have learned in their 12 years of practice and challenges.

I am struck by the fact that they don't talk about how cold it was, or how many mosquito bites they had, or the huge tiger that stalked them, or how hard it was to go days without food. No, instead the conversation centers on what they have learned, what these challenges have taught them, what practices helped them....they get together and share their wisdom with each other. This is the true nectar of community.

Wouldn't it be amazing if we did the same with each other? If instead of complaining when we got together with one another, we instead chose to share the wisdom that we learned from our challenges? How rich would our communities be.

Sister Lucy

2010-03-08T08:51:00.000-08:00

In India, I had lunch with Sister Lucy, one of those rare Mother Teresa types whose heart is big enough to respond to the depths of the world’s suffering and needs in ways that are nothing short of miraculous.

Sister Lucy, an Indian Catholic nun, watched a 7-month pregnant woman be doused with gasoline and lit on fire by her husband. That was the end of life as Sister Lucy knew it, and the beginning of hope for the over 1300 women and children that she has since saved from murder, suicide, starvation, and abuse. After the death of the woman and the child she was carrying, Sister Lucy began the Maher project which has been steadily gaining the attention of the world for its unique approach to interfaith living and hope for something other than the violence so familiar to too many Indian women.

At lunch, Sister Lucy looked quite tired, but that didn’t concern her. She had recently witnessed a woman jump off a bridge to her death in sheer hopelessness. There was more work to do, and that was all that mattered. I sat and listened with reverence and awe to story after story of the miraculous healing and changing of lives that occurred for the women saved by the Maher project.

I also took to heart Sister Lucy’s answer to the question, “What do you do when you get tired and you feel stagnant?” She responded with a heart already the size of the planet, “I open my heart more. You see, when I get tired, it is because I am not loving enough.”

The Kumba Mela

2010-03-03T05:43:00.000-08:00

The month of February found me in India during the biggest festival, the Kumba Mela. The Kum, as it is called, stems from an ancient war between the gods and demons who fought for the precious nectar of life contained within a jar. During the battle 4 precious drops of the nectar were spilled in 4 places of India. These 4 places mark the spot of this famous festival which happens every 12 years.

It is believed that when the planets line up just right, the Ganges River contains this nectar of life to bless all who will bathe in her on that one auspicious day. And on that one auspicious day, I found myself in the Ganges river in Haridwar bathing with an estimated 5 million people.

It is believed that bathing at this time washes away impurities, brings healing of any health problems, heals karma, and brings elightenment and freedom. The air is electric with hope and energy.

The renunciates who have been practicing their austerities for 12 years high in the Himalayas, come down at these times to partake in the bath. In the midst of millions of people are hundreds of thousands of these holy men and women, dressed in orange, the color of renunciation. They bathe first, as is befitting the respect given to people of such spiritual depth. After their bath, whole families could be seen washing themselves in the waters of miracles.

This is a country and a festival where people bathe together, believe together, hope together, hunger together, and where spirituality touches every aspect of living. I find that to be the most profound display of the nectar of life.

Off to India

2010-02-01T09:31:00.000-08:00

I’m off to India for the month of February. You probably won’t hear from me until March when I will be excited to share the month and its learning with you. This will be my fifth trip to India to the same ashram to study with the same teacher. I have no logical explanation for these trips, only the acknowledgement of a deep hunger and longing to be there. India smells of incense, and urine and smoke. It is colorful, noisy, crowded, and spiritual. I am in love.

Although I always have hopes when I leave, I have learned by now not to have plans. India is not a place that accepts plans; it has its own agenda. India will do me, like it always does, and I will be a willing chess piece in her hands. I have learned by now to trust her.

I wish you blessings this month.

Slow and Simple

2010-01-23T06:09:00.000-08:00

Being a great fan of Robert Svoboda and his teachings of Ayurvedic life principles, I have taken to heart and to practice his wisdom. As I have watched myself get continually captured by the speed and complexity of our culture, I hear his words in my head: slow and simple.

Ayurveda is about balance. And to find balance is to fill in what is missing in our lives. It means that health and vitality can be found by bringing in a little of the opposite of what we are "overdone" in.

We live in hungry times where complexity and speed seem insatiable. They promise so much, they can look so glamourous, and they can disguise themselves as normal.

The challenge for health and vitality then, is to bring a little slow and simple into the raging force of complexity and speed. It is to make efforts, no matter how small, into what can almost seem boring at first. It is to begin to taste and value the profoundness of simplicty and the steadiness of slow. It is to begin to appreciate the value of less and the gift of ease.

Each choice me make in the direction of slow and simple moves us towards a greater vitality, authenticty, and deeper joy. Can we encourage balance in our lives with a little different pace and a little less need to do and have so much?

Practicing to be Harmless

2010-01-18T11:08:00.000-08:00

I was reading a book I picked up on my last trip to India. In the book, the author mentioned that, “We must practice to be harmless.” These are strong words and sound somewhat like the judge I fired. They imply that unless we are practicing otherwise, our natural state is to cause harm.

The yogis seem to have agreed when they placed non-violence at the center of their ethical system. First do no harm. These aren’t even encouragements to reach the lofty peaks of human possibility like kindness and compassion, but simply the consideration to be harmless.

So the question is...am I harmless...to others, to myself, to the trees, to the animals, to the earth, to my job, to my mind, to my psyche, in the check out line...and what shape does that harm take?

Practice to be harmless. Food for thought.

I Fired the Judge

2010-01-07T05:46:00.000-08:00

I soon found out in my revolt against resolutions, that I had to fire the judge. The judge is that constant voice in my head telling me everything that is wrong with me. For all the years I can remember his voice has been with me. It was probably his voice that led to all the years of New Year's resolutions in the first place.

But I couldn't have him come along with me into this new decade, because this is the decade of allowing, of needing no repairs, of accepting the reality of me with no apologies, justification, or need to change anything.

And so I had a conversation with the judge. I told him it was past time to retire. I commended him for a job well done. I told him that he had served enough time to retire anywhere he wanted and enjoy the rest of his life. I told him his services were no longer needed.

I have to say, I don't miss him at all.

A Revolt against Resolutions

2009-12-30T06:19:00.000-08:00

Okay, so the title might be a little strong, but honestly, I can't remember a New Year rolling around that I didn't try to fix myself in one way or another.

Not this year. I decided to stage a revolt against resolutions. This year there will be no attempts to fix myself or to change anything, except perhaps how I relate to myself.

This year I am going to try something new. I am planning to get to know myself as I really am, the real me. The parts of me that commune with the angels and the parts of me that know greed and selfishness and anger. Instead of trying to make myself into something else, I plan to free fall deeply into who I really am.

I have been so busy trying to mold myself every year, that I have forgotten the yogic wisdom to "know thyself".

Ah, I already notice how much easier I am breathing.

Wrapping ourselves up for the holidays

2009-12-07T09:25:00.000-08:00

I find myself curious this holiday season as I watch stress replace the look of joy on people's faces.

What if we turned our attention to one thing this month and one thing only - kindness. What if we let the cooking, the housecleaning, the work, the cards, the perfect parties, the task lists, the affirmations to not overdo this month - what if we let them fall into place in their own timing? What if all we did was eat, drink, breathe, sleep and practice kindness, beginning with ourselves and letting it filter to every ecounter throughout the day.

What if we became the present this season and we wrapped ourselves up inside and out with kindness and then put a big bow around ourselves with a tag that said, "I'm blessing myself and the world with kindness this season."

Practicing Non-Violence during the Holidays

2009-11-30T09:20:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving has moved us into the holiday season. Thanksgiving was a time to practice gratitude rather than excess. Now we have the opportunity to practice the joy of giving rather than the stress of giving.

It's too easy, I think, to begin to tell myself, "oh, just do what you need to get through; January is coming and then you can make up for it." But this year I don't want to tell myself that. Actually, I don't want so much collateral damage when January comes around this year. I don't want to have to nurse myself back from being too tired, having a body with too many rich goodies in it, from being out of balance with my exercise time and reflection time. This year I want to greet 2010 with a body/mind/spirit that is in harmony.

This year I want to tell myself something different. This year I want to watch for the yellow lights, the place where my joy turns to dullness and where my kindness turns to push. This year I want to believe that nothing is worth collateral damage to this temple of my embodiment.

Practicing Gratitude

2009-11-23T06:42:00.000-08:00

It's Thanksgiving, the time we are invited to turn our attention to gratitude.

Having been to India a few times, gratitude has begun to take on a deeper meaning for me. I have been introduced to the lives of Sadhus, those who make a decision to renounce everything to sit with God. They wear the color orange to symbolize that it is now their intention to give up all personal attachments in order to serve all things, just as the radiance of the sun serves all.

What has imapacted me is the Sadhus' practice of gratitude. As they sit in the forests doing their practice without shelter or security, they are exposed to wild animals, robbers, mobs of mosquitoes, cold, monsoons, and hunger. But through it all they stay steady in gratitude with a constant "Thank you, Mata Ganga (Mother Ganges), for the gift you give today of fasting." "Thank you, Mata Ganga, for the gift you give today of food" Thank you, Mata Ganga, for the gift you give today of sunshine" "Thank you, Mata Ganga, for the gift you give today of cold." Everything that comes to them is received as a gift from the Mother.

And so during this season, I ask myself, how steady am I with the practice of gratitude? How steady am I with seeing all as gift? How steady am I with the constant repetition of thank you on my lips?

Staying Current

2009-11-11T05:42:00.000-08:00

I recently had a big decade birthday. Normally one to look forward to birthdays with great eagerness, I was surprised this year to find myself a little restless; the past 10 years had traveled quickly.

Something in me stirred, took out paper and pen, and began to reflect and ponder the events leading to this momentous turning of digits. It was as if I had to digest the past decade before I could wake up to my birthday the next morning and embrace it fully.

Time disappeared as I traveled down memory lane with tears and laughter, recording the accomplishments, learnings, strengths, and weaknesses of the last 10 years. I even gave the decade a theme.

As the reflections poured out on paper, I became settled and spacious inside. I began to ask myself how I hoped to shape the next decade. What did I want to leave behind and what did I want to take with me into these next years. When I awoke, I truly was embodied in 60. I was ready. I was excited. I was grateful.

Carl Jung, in one of his many insightful quotes, reminds us of the importance of staying current with ourselves. He reminds us of the freedom ofleaving behind what is no longer supportive as we travel through the years of our life. He reminds us that life changes and asks if we are still living in the past or have we caught up to the new realities of the present. Are we available to live fully in the now?

More on the Inner Landscape

2009-11-03T06:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, I have to admit that it sometimes seems a little crazy to dwell on the inner landscape. There is so much to do and such an urgency in the multiple details of our lives and the vast needs of the world at large. But I believe with all my heart that we cannot redesign a different, sustainable future where the well-being of all life is valued, if that same value does not sit at the core of our inner selves. We cannot change the outside without first taking a look at what sits inside of us. We cannot redesign or understand the true meaning of abundance without first being internal gardeners of our own hearts and minds.

And so into the craziness, the absurdity, the speed, the joys and sorrows of the outer world, we take time to pause, to pray, to reflect, to walk, to be still, to commune with that which is greater than we are. We take time to water and weed our internal garden and make sure the seedlings of kindness, compassion, endurance, and forgiveness are growing and flourishing.

I think this was a secret of the great ones.

Building the Inner Landscape

2009-10-23T05:45:00.000-07:00

When I began to study what I call the “great ones”, I was literally blown away by how much good they accomplished. Countries were freed, hospitals built for the poor, unfair laws changed, the poor and destitute were loved and cared for….the list goes on and on; suffice it to say that it seems to me that each one of the people I studied accomplished more than I could in lifetimes. And yet, they all were some kind of contemplative; they spent great periods of time in prayer and reflection

They spent time caring for their inner landscapes and tending to their inner resources. It is as if they knew that the landscape of their hearts would be congruent with their actions in the world. They knew that it is impossible to love when our hearts are full of hatred. They knew that it is impossible to practice moderation when our hearts are full of greed. They knew that it is impossible to practice kindness when our hearts our full of violence.

They must have asked themselves, if this heart and if this mind were the heart and the mind of the whole world, what kind of a world would it be? And so they nourished the seeds of love and compassion while also tending to with their fiery passion for justice. They cut the chains that bound them to their own selfishness so that they could freely serve the greater good. They closed their eyes to the world’s ranking of importance so that they could reach out to the lowliest of the low. And they did all of this from a place of seemingly limitless energy and an almost childlike joy.

As we go about crafting our lives, we have to ask the hard questions of our inner selves first. What occupies space in our hearts? What occupies space in our minds? What provokes acts of unkindness from our hands? What makes us eat more than our stomachs really want? What makes us buy more than we really need? What is so important that we rush through the day and miss the grace of the moment?

Creating Spaciousness on the Inside

2009-10-16T06:08:00.000-07:00

Thanks to you who asked me to talk more about creating spaciousness on the inside.

As I continue to practice this concept, I feel like a farmer who is planting and tending seeds in the inside of her being. These seeds are a slow breath, a practice of doing one thing at a time, giving my full attention to what I am doing, pausing, moving slower, speaking slower, being grateful, being available. Tending these seeds moment to moment has begun to make me feel more and more spacious inside rather than constricted and frenzied like a robot without an off swith.

Perhaps another way to talk about it is the sense of melting into life, trusting in the benevolence of life. I am reminded of the simple childhood round "Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream; merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream."

Finding Spaciousness

2009-10-08T12:01:00.000-07:00

OK, I give up. I have been trying to find spaciousness in my life for a long, long, time. I have failed. Perhaps it is an impossible goal for a normal American life. But the longing, the hunger for, the yearning, remain.

So, I'm in a new experiment, and it is going pretty well. Because I can't "make" spaciousness happen on the outside of my life, I am practicing spaciousness on the inside. I am being spaciousness, I am bringing spaciousness to my day, to the interruptions, to the full schedules, to the upsets.

And surprisingly, it is changing everything. My breath is slower, my speech is slower, I feel oceans of fluidity inside me, I am content.

I am tasting the eternity that sits in each breath and each moment.

Do you have a Beautiful Mind or an Ugly Mind?

2009-09-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

I was taking a walk recently and noticed that the trim on a particular house in my neighborhood had just been painted a bright almost neon lime green. Not only that, but the paint job was quite messy. My mind instantly went to judgment. “Oh, how ugly! This sure brings the neighborhood down. How could anyone paint their home such a ridiculous color.” Every time I took my daily walk, this was the litany that went though my mind!

One morning, however, as I was walking, a very elderly gentleman, bent over and looking at least in his mid-90’s was having a discussion with another man. The elderly gentleman, obviously the owner of the house, was beaming with delight and pride telling the younger fellow how he had painted all this trim by himself! My heart opened as I witnessed the joy in this elderly man’s face at his amazing accomplishment. That house instantly became beautiful to me, and every time I have walked by since then, I feel an overwhelming smile in my heart.

Swami Rama once said, “A beautiful mind sees beauty; an ugly mind sees ugliness.” What do you see as you walk about your day? Do you see beauty or do you see ugly?

Keep These Guidelines as Constant Friends

2009-09-19T07:09:00.000-07:00

Sick, Not Sick, Healthy

2009-09-14T05:25:00.000-07:00

I have a poster that was once in my son's chiropractic office. It is a picture of a grade school girl at the chalkboard. She has written on the board sick, not sick, healthy. In my imagination I see her lecturing to adults on this topic.

I have kept this poster as it continues to remind me that there is a vast land between what we tend to accept and what we could really have. Physical health is a good example. If I'm not sick then everything is great.....or is it?

The yogis set a different standard for us. It is a standard of extreme well-being and vitality, in body, mind, and spirit. Witness some of those whom history speaks of as having attained this new standard, people like Ghandhi whose vitality and energy is legendary. It is said that at the age of 70, even the young and fit had trouble keeping up with his boundless energy and his spry, youthful stride.

And so I ask myself, where am I stealing from myself and my life by settling for "not sick" rather than experimenting with what might be possible in health and vitality? I don't know, but what a great adventure to pursue.

Surrender

2009-09-10T06:01:00.000-07:00

Sorting

2009-09-05T07:23:00.000-07:00

My granddaughter currently has stuff strewn all over the house. She is going through all her possessions sorting out what she will need for college. With every item she is determining what she will give away and what she will continue to take with her.

Sorting. We are entering the time of year when we find ourselves immersed in the harvest of abundance and the activities of preparation and change.

I remember an Ayurveda (the yogic science of health and well-being) class I attended in India. The teacher spoke of the need for feeding ourselves this time of year in preparation for winter. She said if we undernourish ourselves now, our bodies, minds, and spirits will be in lack when spring finds us once again.

What an awesome task this presents to us! We get to sort through the abundance, taking only what we need to prepare, fill, and nourish ourselves for this winter's journey so that we might find ourselves healthy, vital, and ready to burst into spring.

Studying the Self

2009-09-05T07:19:00.000-07:00

Turning up the Heat

2009-08-31T11:06:00.000-07:00

Are you content?

2009-08-26T05:05:00.000-07:00

Purity vs. Cleanliness

2009-08-20T07:36:00.000-07:00

On my last trip to India, I remember hearing Mataji say to me, "You Americans keep all that stuff in you. Why would you want to do that?" She was referring to the Western habit of swallowing "gunk" back into our bodies instead of spitting it out and getting rid of it. In India, it is common for people to spit "gunk" out of the mouth as it arises in the body.

I'm not advocating spitting or not spitting per se, but it does seem to me that in this country we care more about being "clean" outside than "pure" inside. We work hard to keep the outside of our bodies clean with showers, deoderant, and perfumes. We don't seem to worry too much about the insides of our bodies, just the appearance of cleanliness on the outside. Certainly advertisements keep our attention on appearance. Think about when you are going out for the evening. How much attention do you pay to your outer attire? How much attention do you pay to your inner thoughts and the condition of your heart? How much time do you spend trying to look a certain way instead of be a certain way?

What would happen if we attended to the yogic principle of purity of speech, purity of action, and purity of thought as much as we attend to having clean hair and underarms that smell good?

A look at Purity

2009-08-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

What is your "banana"?

2009-08-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

Distractions

2009-07-31T07:41:00.000-07:00

I am preparing to leave soon for a week of silence. As I pack and consider what to bring and what to leave behind, I have been asking myself what will distract me and what will support me as I enter that sacred place of listening and waiting.

I know that in the space of endless hours of silence, my ego will be restless and bored and seeking something to do. I know that my tendency will be to plan, or to read, or to travel down memory lane. I know that my thoughts will be of how much I have to do when I return. I know I will think about food and wish I had brought a snack.

Too often when I've gone into silence my suitcase has contained a few books and snacks - just in case. But this time I am packing a suitcase with no distractions. I am positioning myself to sit in the silence in a new way.

I realize that the same question exists for me whether I am going into silence or living the fullness of my busy days. Can I keep the discipline of identifying where I am "packing" my day with habits and things that keep me unavailable to a higher voice? Can I continue to let go of distractions and sit in my life in new ways without any crutches? Can I position myself to sit in my busy days in a new way?

I can't believe I ate the whole thing!

2009-07-31T07:37:00.000-07:00

Some thoughts on the 4th yama, the practice of non-excess:

"100 mothers" embodied

2009-07-23T21:15:00.000-07:00

-image by Nancy Dean Mercury

Nancy sent me this picture from a freize in Paris as a visual to the "100 mothers" quote. It is such a tangible reminder that we are never alone.

As we show up for our self-discipline, an often tedious, last on the agenda, what's the use process, I will visualize this picture in my mind and remember the tangible support that shows up to my self-discipline with me.

Plugging your "Holes"

2009-07-21T13:07:00.000-07:00

Some thoughts on Truthfulness

2009-07-16T08:57:00.000-07:00

100 Mothers

2009-07-16T06:56:00.000-07:00

I ran across this amazing quote while reading some of Swami Krishnananda: It is said that yoga will care for you more than 100 mothers.

I sat stunned for a time by the profoundness of this statement and its boldness in claiming that in our practice of yoga we will be nourished, cared-for, attended to, taught, guided, disciplined, and loved completely as we are while encouraged to grow into our more magnificent selves.

This is the supreme gift of yoga: the hearts and hands of 100 mothers holding us every step of our journey. There is nothing to fear and no way to fail when we truly understand the depth to which we are held, loved and guided.

you tube on non-violence

2009-07-06T19:25:00.000-07:00

Here are a few words on non-violence.

A Youtube View

2009-07-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

If you want to see me on youtube, here is a link to an overview of the Yamas & Niyamas I did.

Surrendering Everything

2009-06-24T06:18:00.000-07:00

Periodically I go to India to study with a woman sadhu (someone who has renounced everything to be of service to everyone). This woman, whom we call Mataji, has inspired me deeply with the depth of her love and contentment and endless giving. Mataji has recently written a book about her life called Tears of Bliss: A Guru-Disciple Mystery that I recommend to those of you who are hungry to read an Eastern version of the Yogic path.

From Germany, Mataji was a movie star in France in her early twenties when she realized the frivolity of life. She wanted more. She received a vision of her Guru (teacher) and left for India immediately to find him. The rest of her story is her journey to sacrifice everything to realize the goal of unity with the Divine.

Written poetically, her book and her journey may be hard to understand for our Western minds. The Eastern path of the teacher/disciple at times may seem strange, even harsh, to us. Nevertheless, her story clearly reveals the depth of what it takes to polish the ego and transform it beyond selfish wants and desires. I find myself in awe of her journey, touched deeply by her unwavering commitment, and moved by the depth of love.

Her journey is a rare one, taken by an extraordinary woman. Like the stories of all great people, it can inspire us to take the next step into our own life.
[These books are available at Yoga North]

The Hardest Battle

2009-06-13T07:56:00.000-07:00

I came across this quote by e.e. cummings that I want to share with you. He says, "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting."

Wow! I find this an insightful look into truthfulness and the immense task of living. Against the rules of "shoulds", the billboards of images, the cultural games, the pull of our own sensory stimulation, truthfulness asks us to show up boldly as our full, unique self.

How can we arm ourselves for such a battle? Certainly disciplines like prayer, meditation, and contemplation are paramount. So is listening to the deep inner movement of our own excitement, paying attention to our impact on others, and reflecting on the experience of what each day has to teach us. Finding others who are engaged in the same battle is essential.

We are also asked to show up to life strong enough to be vulnerable, brave enough to be intimate, and fearless enough to show ourselves in plain sight. Ultimately this is the way the battle is won; moment by moment, day by day.

He seems to capture the boldness being asked of us. And what is this hard battle? It is to say what we are not saying, to be vulnerable and defenseless, to be intimate

Coasting Downhill

2009-06-08T07:34:00.000-07:00

This past week, my husband and I bought a used Prius. I was excited about lowering our gasoline cost and making a lighter footprint on the earth, but I didn't know I would learn so much about myself and energy! This car gives me instant feedback on when I am needlessly wasting energy by how I am driving. What an eye opener this has been for me and the myriad of ways I waste energy in my body as I move through the day.

Now I am beginning to understand the Yogis who guard their energy as their most precious commodity. They have been telling us that it is crazy for us to disturb ourselves, hurry ourselves, or do anything to excess, because it drains us, pure and simple; it drains us of our greatest possession: our own vitality and well-being.

As I watch the gas consumption explode when I "gun" the accelerator, I am becoming aware of the cost to my body when I push myself. As I watch the ease and regeneration of the car when I coast downhill, I am becoming aware of the ease available to me in those "downhill" moments throughout the day. For instance, standing in line at the post office can be an impatient consumption of energy or it can be a time to enjoy the ease of the moment. Standing in line takes little effort unless I add my frustation to it.

Perhaps it is time to pay attention to the "footprint" I am leaving on my body, moment to moment. I am curious how much more vitality will be available for the things I love.

Secrets

2009-05-31T09:45:00.000-07:00

I have been learning something important about myself lately and it was something I didn't even know I was doing. I have been making decisions without including the people the decisions were about! To explain what I mean, let me share an example. Recently I was debating whether I would stay in an important group I was a part of or whether I would choose to opt out. I had decided to attend the group one more time and then base my decision on how it went. Half-way through the session, I realized how arrogant and inappropriate that was! I had set myself apart and was judging the group!

And so I took, what was for me, a brave, courageous gamble and told the group I was thinking about not being a part of them anymore. I have to admit, it wasn't easy for me to say or the members of the group to hear, but we stayed with each other and in the process found new, rich and deep meaning together. It was nothing short of a miracle.

Often we leave important relationships and have ourselves out the door before the other person even knows we were considering leaving! Sharing with the other person or group doesn't mean we will stay; but, if we do leave, the other will have a chance to process and be part of the decision. And who knows what can happen when the truth is told?

Please don't hear me say that it is a good thing to go around broadcasting our deepest thoughts and feelings to everyone in our lives; that would be crazy. But I am wondering this: are there places you are keeping important information from those you call significant that pertains to your relationship with them? Relationships might best be decided between two people, not one.

The Tyranny of "Shoulds"

2009-05-21T14:00:00.000-07:00

Every summer I co-lead a workshop with my buddy Roger Sams, a shaman and trance dance leader. In the evenings, the participants ritually blindfold themselves and begin to dance to the rhythm of their own body/mind/emotional rhythm. I play the role of unblindfolded spotter dancing smoothly between upcoming collisions, so that participants can stay in their own inner experience. One of the things I have watched is the beautiful unique expression of each body. It is so apparent to me that from this inner attending, the participants' movements are true.

But when eyes are open, the tendency to move into the "shoulds" of life becomes a sort of tyrannical imposition. We debate, ponder, analyze, criticize, and find ourselves frozen in an endless array of stuckness and should's. The freedom of the inner dance is gone.

I find myself wondering what the world would be like, what each of our lives would be like, if we truly moved from the unique expression of our own dance. So here is an experiment we could try for a week and that is simply: don't do any should's. Please let me know what you discover......and happy dancing!

For information on the trance dance/yoga retreat, visit http://www.yoganorthduluth.com/.

Get me out of here; this is crazy!

2009-05-18T06:13:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine shared a story with me the other day. It was a particularly busy day for her and she had many places to be. She proceeded to drag her 3 year old son along with her and strap him repeatedly in and out of his car seat. Becoming more and more distraught by this intensity of activity that was not to his liking, the 3 year old child blurted out from the back seat, "Get me out of here; this is crazy!"

After laughing at the story, I paused to consider the wisdom of this little child and what he was mirroring back to me about my own life. The truth is, there are days when my "to do" list feels like an endless taskmaster, days when I take to heart society's overwhelming expectations of me, and days when the pressure of the American pace feels almost cruel. On these days, somewhere around mid-afternoon, I utter some similar words to myself, "Get me out of here; this is crazy!"

The rewards of our life style are immense. We live longer, play harder, escape easier, and have the luxury of personal space. The rewards of our life style are titillating and seductive and frankly quite wonderful. It is easy to be captivated by such abundance. But, our life style has a cost.

Violence to ourselves and others is often the real cost of the pace we keep. Violence to ourselves and others is often the real cost of the luxury we love. Violence to ourselves and others is often the real cost of the pressure we put ourselves under. The joy of life is in the moment to moment living of it, not in the push for more. Life is too precious to find ourselves uttering the words, "Get me out of here; this is crazy!"

Finding Kindness

2009-05-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

I love lakes. I love to watch the sun dancing with the water and the laughter of children and adults at play and the wakes left by boats. I find myself asking, if I were a boat, what kind of wake would I be leaving? Would it be a tumultuous wake left from hurry and irritability or would it be a gentle wake left from acts of kindness and light-heartedness.

I recently read these words that I wanted to share with you from Mata Maya:
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to your karma. Be kind to the children. Be kind to the men. Be kind to each other. Be kind to the animals. Be kind to the memory of your ancestors. Be kind to the lifeforce in whatever form it assumes. Above all, be kind.

What is the P.S. of truthfulness?

2009-04-27T04:45:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed that 4 of the 5 yamas tell us not to do something, i.e., don't do violence, don't steal, don't do excess, don't possess things? Why is it then that the yogis said to practice truthfulness? Why didn't they just tell us not to lie? What is that "extra" that is being asked of us? What is the "P.S." of truthfulness?

It seems to me that non-lying is fairly easy to do......but always being truthful? That's like Jesus telling us to go the extra mile, to put yourself out there a little more, to be a little more undefended and a little more vulnerable.

I notice in myself that when I speak, I present an image of who I want to be, kind of the perfect image of myself, which in my case is a "good" yogi. Behind that image, lies a more human person who is afraid I might not be liked if I really told the truth about myself.

While truthfulness is not about blasting our secrets for all to hear, there is an element of going an extra step to tell the truth about ourselves instead of the pretend of ourselves. It clears the air, we can all breathe easier, we can decide if we want a relationship or not, and if we do, it can be a much more intimate and interesting relationship because it is based on the extra mile of sharing more of who we are instead of who we wish we were.

Yama #1: Non-violence

2009-04-18T20:59:00.001-07:00

I'll ask you the same question I asked myself, what precipitates acts of violence from you? My answer to that question is when I am out of balance (from non-supportive food, not enough sleep, pushing myself, etc), when I'm feeling powerless, when I'm feeling afraid, and when I'm being a taskmaster to myself. These are the times my fuse is short and I am an untrustworthy member of the human race.

Because of this awareness, my practice has been to guard my balance, to take steps into courage, to practice kindness to myself, and to practice compassion towards others. I explore these practices in the chapter on non-violence.

But what about you? What precipitates acts of violence from you? And knowing that, what practices can you do that make you a more kind and compassionate person to every living and non-living thing on the earth, including yourself?

Yoga and the Yamas and Niyamas

2009-04-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

Yoga is union; it is a yoking of the body, mind, and spirit so that there is a fullness or a completeness unto itself. As yoga comes to us through the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali in what we now call classical yoga, it includes postures, breath, concentration, and meditation, all leading to this union or completeness of the person. At the root of these practices lies the yamas and niyamas, yoga's ethical system.

I personally find it fascinating that an ethical system sits as the foundation to all of yoga. That seems like a big deal to me and something that needs to be contemplated on. It's almost as if our postures and our meditation practices sit on shaky ground without the firm foundation of correct living.

An Overview of the Yamas and Niyamas

2009-04-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

The yamas, literally "restraints" pertain to our relationship with others and the earth. Consisting of non-violence, truthfullness, non-stealing, non-excess, and non-possessiveness, they invite us into an adult relationship with the world where we can see past our own needs and into the collective good. In one sense, we can think of them as social disciplines guiding us into peace, harmony, and right relationship with the world. The yamas pull us back from needing so much that is external and point us towards the unique expression of our own life. It is here that we feel the excitement and joy of living.

The niyamas, literally "non- restaints" or "observances", shift our attention from an adult relationship with the world to an adult relationship with ourselves, and from a social focus to an internal focus. Consisting of purity, contentment, self-discipline, self-study, and surrender, the niyamas are like seeds to plant and care for in our inner being. As these seeds begin to bear fruit, we will become unshakable as we experience an inner essence of deep harmony and strength.

Why Yoga Ethics?

2009-04-16T14:49:00.000-07:00

I'd like to ask you a question: What determines the decisions and choices you make moment to moment throughout your day? I thought my decisions were made out of love and kindness, until I started to tell myself the truth. What I discovered was that underneath everything I did was the drive to complete my task list for the day. That meant I had a good day when almost everything got checked off my list and a bad day when few checkmarks appeared. It meant I hurried through my day to get the next thing done and I had a short fuse when I got interrupted. I didn't want to live this way anymore. This realization led me to explore Yoga's ethical system and begin to practice this ancient wisdom as a new standard for my day.
I have since asked this same question to others. I hear answers like, "I respond to each situation based on whether it would please my mom and dad or not." (This response was from a 65 year old woman.) I have also heard answers like, "If I appear competent or not."

So I ask you again, what guides your responses to life as it comes to you moment by moment?.......and do you like your answer?